I woke up. The coffee smells delicious.

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine wondering how we got where we are.

I made a lot of assumptions when I was younger, now, at 37, the harsh light of reality is becoming blinding.

I thought that everyone gets married and has kids (the ones who want to anyhow).  I thought that if you just applied yourself you would do well in life.  I thought that at 37, I would be married, have kids, a house and go about my happy, not overly extravagant life and that would be it.  I was wrong.

My reality became that I am 37, single and live in an apartment.  I never really figured out what I wanted to “do” with my life, or at least never fell in love with anything that I would be able to make decent money doing.  I made some choices that have left me broke and alone.  I have a little over 100 “friends” on Facebook and yet have had to learn to do things by myself and be okay with it.

I don’t know what happened.

Don’t get me wrong, I love coming home to my Tallulah, she is always so happy to see me.  Wagging tail, a ton of excitement and more kisses than any one person deserves.  She is amazing.

I love that I come home to the mess that I left.  It was my decision not to wash the dishes or vacuum or to leave my sweater hanging over the back of the chair.  I used to leave a clean house and come home to a disaster, it was terrible.  Felt like a never ending work day.  I was so tired all the time and it made me a miserable person.

I have stepped back over the past couple of years and taken a good look at myself.  My life.  How things have turned out.  I have made decisions.  I will not be that miserable person.  I cannot let life get to me.  I am better than this person who so easily sinks into the dark cloud and hides away.

The idea that every day that you wake up is a great one, is a lie.  They aren’t all great.  The point to this whole messy game of life is to frequently step back.  Look at what you have.  I mean really LOOK at it.  It’s not all great.  It’s not all the dream life that you thought you’d have.  But it’s yours, and it’s only as good as you make it.   Step outside.  Take a deep breath.  Soak in the smiles of the people you love, their laughter, their happy.

It’s a wild ride, this life, and it sure as hell isn’t over yet.


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