John Cusack, you’ve ruined me.

It’s no secret.  I have been single for two years now (almost).  I am asked all the time, “why”?  As if I know.  By choice?  I guess partially.  There are many factors.  I am picky, I don’t think that’s a bad thing.  I wasn’t ready for while.  I have no really good way to meet eligible men.  I think sometimes that my health issues are too much to ask any guy to take on.  Lots of reasons I could give you that I don’t “have a man”.

Yes, I am loving, giving and all those great things.  I make a good girlfriend.  I’m far from perfect, but some guy could do worse.  I know this.

Then it hits me.  I’m watching TV and it all becomes completely clear.

Cusack  John Cusack.

Handsome, smart, witty, creative and loves to the point of insanity.  It’s him.  No one can live up to that.  I want my boom box moment.  I want Peter Gabriel at the break of dawn held over the head of the guy that just can’t go on without me.

I want to be someones Haley’s Comet, for someone to think that I am a gorgeous mess and to tell all his friends about me.  I want a mixed tape.  I want someone to search through New York following clues to find me after a magical chance meeting.

Now, let’s not blame it all on John.  That wouldn’t be fair.  We can always through Bing Crosby, Fred Astaire, Tony Curtis and Gene Kelly into the mix.

It comes down to I watch too many old movies.  Too many movies where men meet a woman in a chance encounter and are completely smitten.  Love at first sight.  That insatiable need for another persons company and these men will do anything to find that woman and make her their own.

So my friends, I am still looking for him.  One day maybe someone will meet these unreal expectations and sweep me off my feet in some amazing dance number that only Rogers and Hammerstein could have come up with.  And you all will be the first to know.

PS:  for those of you who keep track, I do believe that Mr Cusack is single.  I can only assume that he is waiting for me.

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You don’t lose …

You don’t lose friends, because real friends can never be lost. You lose people masquerading as friends, and you’re better for it. ~ Mandy Hale

Lately, Facebook has been full of people saying that they are changing their lives and they don’t care if they lose friends in the process.  Is it true?

I am here to tell you that in the past two years, I have lost a lot of friends.  People that I was sure were lifers for me, disappeared.  I wasn’t prepared.

I am a social person.  As much as I love time alone with a book, or a movie, or just time to sit with “me”, I really love to have people around.

I used to have friends over for dinner, play games, everyone would go out together and have laughs and great times and I was sure that those times made us solid.  Then the break up happened.  Not just my (now) Ex and I.  But apparently my friends as well.

People stopped calling.  I realize that for a while I was a downer.  I was sad.  I went through a hard break up, financial losses, the deaths of a few family members and friends, transitions in jobs… I could go on.  I was rough, and I was alone.  Or at least I felt that way.

I am now on the road to remembering who I am, what makes me smile, and really trying to work in being a better version of who I am.  And I realize that there is no one around.

Don’t get me wrong.  I have a few really solid friends, mostly in other cities, a couple in town.  But the truth is, everyone else just seems to have forgotten.

I see them on Facebook, out “the gang” and I have never seen an invite, I make plans and they bail out all the time, we say “we need to meet up for Coffee/ dinner/ drinks” and it just never seems to happen.

Why am I posting this?  Because you need to know.  You need to know that taking that time to have coffee with a friend, inviting them out when you hang out with the group, realizing that it doesn’t bother them to be the only single one in a group of couples, makes a world of difference. Stop texting and saying how much you miss them and do something about it.

People have been asking me to start a blog.  I’m sure that this isn’t what they had in mind for my posts.  I’m sure that what was expected was a happier, hilarious Natalie, and she will re-appear.  But this, this was weighing heavy on me and I needed to get it out.

Remember, to you, it might be a cup of coffee.  To the other person, it might be the reminder that someone still wants them around.  And it means the world.